{"id":49811,"date":"2022-02-28T08:02:15","date_gmt":"2022-02-28T14:02:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.stress.org\/?p=49811"},"modified":"2024-04-06T06:30:23","modified_gmt":"2024-04-06T06:30:23","slug":"thriving-in-chaos-managing-change-in-your-life","status":"publish","type":"news","link":"https:\/\/www.stress.org\/news\/thriving-in-chaos-managing-change-in-your-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Thriving in Chaos: Managing Change in Your Life"},"content":{"rendered":"
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*This is an article from the Winter 2021-2022 issue of\u00a0<\/em>Contentment Magazine<\/em>.<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

By Jeff Jernigan, PhD, BCCPC, FAIS<\/strong><\/p>\n

My grandmother was born in 1885 and lived through some phenomenal times until her passing in 1978. When I was a boy, she would tell stories of her childhood sitting around listening to her parents and uncles talk about the Civil War and the Indian Wars. She remembered traveling to Europe by steamer because there were no airplanes in those days. She remembered Kitty Hawk, Henry Ford, and finally getting the right to vote. Airplanes, automobiles, and the Suffrage Movement were living history for her. When I asked her about how she felt about all these changes she simply answered after a moment of reflection, \u201cToday is the same as yesterday and tomorrow will be no different.\u201d<\/p>\n

What are the inherent qualities of change? Why do things change, and what is the push or cause for change in our lives? All of us experience the effects of change every day. Just think about what has changed in your lifetime. Freeways began appearing across the country in the 1920\u2019s and created a countrywide network by the early 1950\u2019s. Commercial jet aircraft service began in 1952. Epidemic polio, pneumonia, measles, and tuberculosis were virtually eliminated in the United States by the early 1960\u2019s. Air conditioners, washing machines and dryers, dishwashers, and televisions were not standard home appliances until the early 1970\u2019s. Laptops, cell phones, and smart watches used to be science fiction and now we are using these every day. All these large changes trickle down into our lives and change our travel, our health, and how we get work done along with many other things about our daily lives.<\/p>\n

We don\u2019t recognize how much things constantly change because of this trickle-down effect. Now, living in the 21st century, it is a little easier to comprehend because technology is moving ahead so fast, but it is still difficult in the moment to grasp the reality of change and its impact on us personally, because, like she said, it seems today is the same as yesterday and tomorrow will be no different.<\/p>\n

This is very troubling when prolonged stress and uncertainty is a significant part of our daily experience. My grandparents talked about WWI and WWII this way, and my parents lived in an era when nuclear war was a constant threat. I remember neighbors building bomb shelters and teachers having us practice scrambling under desks at school when the alarm sounded. And now we and our children are living through a pandemic.<\/p>\n

None of us in the history of the world have escaped the reality of constant change in our lives. This is great when times are good! When times are not so good it is wearing, depleting, and even depressing. Our resistance wears thin, and our resilience seems to have taken a holiday just when we need it to be present. To understand how to thrive in the chaos of unwanted change we must first understand how we respond to crisis, and how to use this knowledge to manage change in our lives constructively.<\/p>\n

Growing weary of difficult times is natural, as is the way it can creep in and surprise us. For example, prior to the pandemic exploding across the globe in early 2020, the airline industry reported more than 100 people banned for life in the previous five years for acting out in a manner to endanger passengers and interfering with aircraft operation. In the eighteen months or so since the pandemic got into full swing this number has climbed to more than 5,000 banned for life. 100 in five years has become more than 5,000 in one-and-a-half years. Why? Because of pent up resentment, anger, and fear in the face of limited or no capacity to manage one\u2019s self any longer. Along comes a trigger that may have nothing to do with present circumstances and over the top we go! This can happen when we have no margin left whatsoever.<\/p>\n

Personal crisis follows a natural pattern. Life events creep up on us (slowly or suddenly) and the cumulative stress involved pushes us into a crisis mode. The amygdala (the threat-processing center in the brain) kicks in and the adrenaline starts flowing. Heart rate picks up, breathing becomes rapid, and we go on high alert as our fight or flight response kicks in.<\/p>\n

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In the blink of an eye, our thinking goes from reasonable to illogical and we act out. Some sort of de-escalation is needed, and if we cannot provide this for ourselves, someone else is going to have to provide this for us. Once we are calmed down, we may begin to wonder what got into us, and feel embarrassed or even ashamed. There is always a let-down after a crisis, whether or not we have these feelings.<\/p>\n

Usually, we have sufficient resilience and margin to not come to a point where we lose control and act out. Normally we have enough reserves of energy, patience, and self-control. When we no longer have these reserves our stress load will exceed our margin, and this is when acting out can occur. The key, of course, is shedding stress with regularity and sustaining resilience.<\/p>\n

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Our psychology can sometimes trip up our biology, and vice-versa. Worry and fear produce anxiety, while discouragement and feeling trapped by circumstances can produce depression. At the same time, lack of sleep, poor diet, and physical fatigue can produce the same things. Our external environment has a lot to do with our physiology and psychology as well.<\/p>\n

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Change always meets with some initial resistance as a normal and healthy reaction. Our amygdala, acting as a sentry for everything our five senses perceive and our internal sensors report (temperature, heart rate, pain and physical discomfort, fatigue), kicks in with a result we experience as skepticism, doubt, or resistance when we first understand we are faced with a change. Not\"\"\u00a0all change is a good thing, so this reaction gives us a pause to evaluate how we are going to respond. Sometimes it is obvious the heralded change is a good thing (I am getting a promotion) and easy to adapt to, while other changes may not be so positive (the pandemic has put us back into lockdown).<\/p>\n

We always have three choices: fully embrace the change, modify the change, or refuse to change. Knowing we have a choice actually takes away some of the stress of being confronted with an involuntary opportunity to wear a mask, for example. Or choose to wear other personal protective gear that serves the same purpose or refuse to wear a mask at all. Hopefully, we all make choices which have little negative consequences for ourselves or others. Identifying the choices we have is healthy because we minimize the internal struggle we may experience when it feels like we are losing control of our lives. We won\u2019t always have the freedom to choose to do whatever we want to do, but we will always have the freedom to choose to do the right thing. When we have choice, we have control. In fact, there are a lot of things we can control.<\/p>\n

There are a number of things we can do to manage change in our lives, especially in the midst of chaotic change. Here are some things you may not have thought of in the context of maintaining margin and choice in these challenging times.<\/p>\n

De-escalation is a skill you can use any time you recognize rising angry, hostile, or rebellious attitudes surfacing in your thinking. This usually emerges in response to a sense of worry or defensiveness:<\/p>\n